Friday, November 19, 2010

A Day In The Life Of A Single 20 Something...

When you are young, pretty, and single certain truths become self-evident. One of those truths is that you will be hit on by men who are complete and total strangers. Another of these truths is that loving friends with good intentions will try and set you up with total strangers. Obviously, the common denominator here is STRANGERS! Have people never heard the phrase "Stranger Danger"!!!!


It is true that not everyone gets to be in a relationship...sad, sad...but true! Nonetheless, thats how it works in the real world (again, movies are evil liars). Therefore, the single people have to venture out into the night and attempt to make small talk, and batty eye lash moves, and other important flirtations in order to try and undo their single status. It is not a simple task and even with careful planning and calculation the most skilled single lady can find herself in a perpetual state of singleness. On one particular evening the failure of a certain single lady's endeavors were repetitively addressed by the onslaught of rednecks that made their presence known to her.


It caused this single lady to wonder if she had a sign on her back that said "I'll bring you beer while you watch NASCAR dear" when really she should've wear a sign that said "rednecks need not apply"

Now I know what you are thinking....where did the rednecks come from and what did they do??? I shall tell you in this totally true and only slightly exaggerated story about two pretty 20 somethings:

Once upon a time, two loud and bubbly single girls decided to put down the books and have a lovely meal downtown. They located a tasty sushi restaurant they had not tried and even made friends with the sushi chef. Banner night...one would think. UNTIL, the waiter notified them that some gentlemen from table such and such had purchased them a reallllllly gross beverage. The girls politely smiled at the gentlemen and took a sip of the disgusting warm liquid. THEN, the oldest and least attractive of the gentlemen came over to talk to the girls....WHY???? Because the universe has a sense of humor. You see the ladies had just been discussing their singleness and how perhaps they should meet a chef who could make them sushi at home. This older gentlemen just happened to be a chef from some unknown restaurant in Venice Beach, California. The ladies let him yammer until he put his foot in his mouth. This guy was no ordinary chef....he was in town for none other then the NASCAR races!

SUSHI=GOOD :)

NASCAR=BAD :(

After leaving those stellar gentlemen behind the ladies headed to a new location to say hello to a friend who was in the neighborhood. BUT remember what I said about friends with good intentions....bad news bears! You see this friend immediately tells one of the ladies about how she met a nice gentlemen on a plane who would be perfect for her. Then she adds that he is in school to become a pediatric dentist and he is cute! yay! sounds promising...until this next sentence pops out of her mouth "Yea, he is a total rope and ride cowboy. He is into horses and all that stuff". Again this single lady wondered what type of sign was hanging around her neck "prairie life's for me!" ?!? ummm....thanks but no thanks.


Not so long after that the ladies began to make idle chit chat with the other gentlemen at the establishment they were visiting. It took all of about 4 exchanges before it was discovered that these ladies had stumbled into conversation with a NASCAR pit crew! Seriously, what were the odds! A whole pit crew of  greasy southerners (no really, greasy, they had just left the track). Needless to say, the conversation did not last long.


What could these lovely ladies do but laugh at their misfortunes....know really suggestions are appreciated (kinda). So they topped off their evening with a group of lovely ladies (who aren't ladies) and called it an early night. They did not need to see the wee hours of the night to know it was less than successful. However, they had so much fun they almost felt the need to thank their redneck admirers for the strange and entertaining turn of events. 

Welcome To Dating In Your Twenties.

XOXO






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Saturday, November 6, 2010

Bieber Fever & The Series Of Unfortunate Events

Generally speaking a week that begins with a Justin Bieber costume will be a good one...so what the hell happened to my week???


OK i'll back it up a step. Yes, I was Justin Bieber for Halloween...and YES, it was hilarious. However, I am pretty sure that my Bieber Fever cursed me. So basically this story is a tragedy and you should brace yourself for the 7 days of demise that were maybe/probably/kinda caused by a serious case of Bieber Fever.


You see, after a rousing night of Halloween festivities with many teachery friends (all dressed in assorted varieties of costume) I was awoken to the reality that I had less than 72 hours to complete a 20 page research paper. Yea, you read correct 20 PAGES! It's a lot in case you were unaware. What's worse is that this was a paper on the changes in Southern plantation owner's justifications of slavery in the early 1800's as seen through economic and faith based rhetoric changes. I am fairly certain that sentence alone bored half of you. SOOO can you imagine the thrill I had starring down the barrel of that assignment? In case you can't i'll spell it out for you....I would rather have a route canal without the drugs. No Joke!


In the midst of conquering that nasty beast I was confronted with tragedy 2 of my Bieber related afflictions. AKA car problems. Can you say yay for check engine lights?!?! Oh yes, on my way to my internship I find that my car is acting like an irritable child as her check engine light began to flash at me feverishly. This meant that I had to go be all teachery and then take gretchen (my car) to the doctor (praying all the way not to brake down or that it would be so expensive I would have to sell my first born child).

Did I mention that at this point I had only 4 pages written and was now down to about 36 hours till deadline......oh joy!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To say that the rest of my week followed suit would be an understatement. However, the lack of sleep and overwhelming amount of stress that was inflicted upon me thanks to Bieber Fever has left me a little hazy on the details. However, I do know that it involved a lot of crying, several moments that were utterly gut wrenching, a handful of instances that involved nail biting, and a deep seeded desire for chocolate. OH!. Also, lots and lots and lots of coffee!

SO....screw you J. Bieber and your evil FEVER....grr!

XOXO