My Phone Is Narcoleptic

It is probably no surprise to anyone from this century that phones have a very short life span. As a matter of fact, if they were a species of human they would have gone extinct by now. What's worse is that most phone carriers won't give you a deal on a new phone until 2 years have passed. Hmm...lets do the math: phone lasts 1 year, must wait 2 years to buy an affordable phone??? This doesn't add up. Anyhow, two freaking years is a really long time! So in fruitless efforts to save money we try and coax are phones into lasting us the full two years. Usually, you can convince yourself this is possible by ignoring the rapidly declining functionality of your phone.

For example, my phone has become narcoleptic; basically it shuts off and takes a little nap wherever and whenever it pleases!. NOW, theoretically, phones are supposed to be getting better, faster, more advanced, and as we all know they have more gadgets, apps, and gizomos than is really even necessary. However, this better, faster, more advanced business is a LIE a lie I tell you. How is my phone, which is only two years old, any good to me if it shuts off all the time? Isn't the basic purpose of a phone to communicate with people? When the phone shuts off I am obviously not able to utilize it for its most basic function! WTF!

Problem Numero Dos! When my aged and decrepit phone actually feels like being awake it is still only mildly functional. Lets refer to this lovely diagram of my phone. Marvel at the many many arrows pointing to the many many functions. Note the SEND button (number 16 on our visual aid ladies and gentlemen)....it DOESNT WORK!!! Yes, the button that is key to the whole operation has ceased to function completely. You heard me, the SEND button no work no more This means that I have to use ninja skills just to place an outgoing call....and lets not even discuss sending a text message.

In what universe is this OK? why have a phone if it can't function on its most primitive level? Yes, the camera works and the alarm is function is top notch, but I can't make a freaking phone call on my own freaking phone! I ask again...in what universe is that OK?

I think we should all riot and lute the nearest cellular phone provider and demand a better product. What happened to the days when your phone was soooo indestructible you could wield it like a weapon and give somebody a concussion and then sit down a place a call? seriously! what happened?

XOXO