Patience Is A Virtue I Need More Of...

Despite popular belief I do not actually believe the world revolves around me....I did pay attention on that particular day in science class.

As you can see from this lovely illustration theses are THEE 8 planets (poor pluto got the axe a few years back) and at the center of this universe is NOT me (see look its the sun!)

Ok so back to the point at hand which is that I need to learn to be a more patient individual; after all patience is a virtue, and surprisingly it is a virtue that is tightly linked with narcissism. NOW, before you go and get your panties in a bunch over that statement let me explain.

Narcissism, or at least the brand of narcissism I prefer, is having the confidence to appreciate what makes you awesome. However, that means you have to be an expert of sorts on what is awesome...which means that sometimes you have to shut the heck up and listen to other people's awesomeness.

This requires patience, which as I stated before, I need more of. I used to think I had a lot of patience because I could sit through a boring class and convince the professor I was paying attention. However, I have discovered that I am maybe not such a good listener because I am impatient and want to say all the totally fabulous thoughts inside my head before they float away. BUT if I had just listened I would know those thoughts are probably irrelevant, and nobody wants to be irrelevant! Irrelevant people make terrible narcissists.

SO I am gonna work on commandeering some patience (I wonder if I can get it in bulk at Costco). Oh! maybe I will make that my New Year's resolution (yes I know its is september but there is no statute of limitations on selecting a resolution). So hopefully, I can figure out this business in the next three months. Clock's ticking! Wish me luck!

XOXO

So Apparently People Read This...Who Knew?

For the past several months I have been blogging my little heart out with zero idea as to whether or not anyone was reading this business. A few months back I came to terms with my following of less then 10 individuals (....one of whom is my mother, who has no clue how to get back into the account she created!) Still, I persevered, determined to blog for my own satisfaction. Knowing all the while that if I chuckled heartily to myself while typing that I had succeeded....and that was enough.

.....HELLO! If anyone has been paying attention then clearly you would be aware of my deep and very silly need for extra attention and that I would NOT be satisfied by chuckling heartily to myself. I hate doing things by myself. So naturally when I found out that my audience was larger then 7 people I got kinda excited.

Seriously!  I am talking Kindergarten teacher at a glue and marker convention excited....epic I know. You see  I realized in a slow and round about manner that people actually read this stuff. Yea I know...crazy!...and yes real people....don't laugh....your reading this....your a real person.....wait you are a real person right???

Ok, pardon the chaos inside my mind...back to the story at hand. You see I slowly started noticing people referencing my blog in common conversation with me. YAY! I felt incredibly famous for about 11 seconds each and every time this occurred. It was pretty awesome.

I would here people say things like:

"hey lets eat pasta....I know how much you like it" 

then I would reply with an incredibly quipy remark like

"yea! I do! I wrote a blog about it (insert cheesy grin)" 

then they would look at me like a small child and say

"I know....I read it."

(insert cheesy grin part deux).

It went on like this for weeks until I almost started to believe I was some sort of rock star or epic genius of gianormous proportions. Then I got off my high horse who I think I shall name Fred. Anyhow, I hopped off Fred, rejoined reality, and now I am here telling all of these readers that I supposedly have "Hey HEY hey"

....'Cause apparently people read this thing. Who knew?

XOXO

If You Feed Me I'll Be Nicer

Its been said (tonight) that I do not share my love for my roommate with the world enough. While I maintain that this statement is false I also want to prove that I think she is awesome. So what do you do when you need to shout from the roof tops "MY ROOMMATE IS AWESOME"....if your me you blog about it! Duh!

*P.S. "my roommate" is an ineffective way to describe said person and so she will henceforth be known as "L-Town".....why???....because its awesome....also because all of the best ways to describe her start with an L: Lady, Loquacious, Liberal, Loud, Lover not a fighter, her name starts with an L, and other stuff but thesaurus.com is letting me down.


Ok....soooo....back to the story.........

Now I am sure you are wondering how this blog topic arose? Well, it all started when I was hungry and acting like a seven year old.

You see I really wanted to hang out with L-Town who I hadn't really seen in 37 years. I also really wanted to eat dinner because all I had eaten all day was a cobb salad and a low-fat blueberry muffin! Anyhow, I eat dinner at the same time as the people at leisure world and it was well past 4 0'clock so I was starving. 

So I text L-Town to see if she had dinner plans or if we could have roommate time and debrief about the many happenings in our thrilling lives.

No Response.

I grumbled to myself about how hungry I was and how I shouldn't have done my homework standing up in the kitchen for two hours and blah blah blah. I bored my own hungry self to tears and  I finally decided to call L-Town.

No Response.

By this point I had already begun to stare idly into my barren kitchen cabinets (I am aware that I should grocery shop but I havent had the time yet). This attempt at pre-occupation proved fruitless and once again I called L-Town.

No Response.

This is where I morphed into a seven year old and called her 4 more times in a row.

No Response.

So I get on facebook and I ask our friend Miller Time if he knows if she is alive and why in the world she is she not answering my calls. I am hungry I explained, and Miller Time, being familiar with how I behave when hungry, sadly told me he didn't know where she was.

I had now reached delirious, sarcastic, indecisive hungry status and just as I was about to give up the phone rang. Miller Time had located my long lost L-Town who had not received any of my 47 phone calls because she had left her phone at home (which is where I was the whole time I was calling her). Nonetheless, I was extremely happy to have found her and told her I wanted to eat dinner with her NOW!

Soon I had joined Miller Time and L-Town and her gentlemen friend (who we shall call B-Town) for dinner....or so I thought. As it turned out the gentlemen had already eaten and it was just us starving ladies left to fight the delirium of menu decision making alone. 

Then, during what felt like an eternity of cook time, I waited incredibly impatiently for my food to arrive. This is where I was reminded of how much nicer I am when you feed me. I am already a rather blunt individual, but when deprived of food I have almost no ability to shut my mouth and the only way to cure it is to FEED ME!

Soon, food arrived at the table and I ate nearly every delicious bite....the asparagus was over done (sad day I know).....and it was like magic, suddenly I was quieter and nicer and not hungry or delirious. I was CURED!

However, I got accused of not proclaiming my love for my awesome roommate about 15 minutes later and I had to rush home and show the world how awesome she really is.....see....I do like her.......

Moral of this story:

I really love my awesome fabulous roommate &&&&& If you feed me i'll be nicer.

XOXO

Karma, Sushi, and Small Children...

They say there is no such thing as ugly babies BUT as any OB Nurse will tell you that just isn't so. I am quiet certain that their parents find them cute and cuddly but not everyone has to be a fan.

They will probably grow up to look like this.....

AND THEN someone will have to pre-pay there lunch money for life! Now by this point i am sure you are wondering how in the world I would jump to such conclusions???

Well it all started last weekend when...

My good friends BB, Lace-Face and her husband breezy were enjoying a nice sushi dinner. Breezy and BB and I were fiercely competing over talking time as we are all chatty individuals. Soon the conversation turned to Karma and the likelihood of Karma causing one of us to have ugly children. 

WHY? Why in the world would a table of good looking twenty somethings ponder the likelihood of being cursed with unpleasant looking off spring? I will tell you why...because Karma is a mean mean lady and when she hears you talking (truthful) smack about strange looking little kids she gets peeved...to say the least. SO obviously Karma will come back to haunt one of us and its likely it will look like this....

MORAL of the story.....say nice things about small children or else. OH and don't do drugs! That's all folks.

XOXO

Things That Cause Me To Die A Slow Death

I can't even count the number of times I have been asked "would you rather live a long life and have no idea how it ends....OR....live a short life but know how it ends?" Well, this question is ridiculous! I don't want to know how I am going to die, and I certainly don't want to know at the expense of having it cut short. However, I am aware of all the little things that are going to slowly kill me. Chief among them is HOMEWORK! This evil lady has been slowly torturing me since approximately September 4th,1994 at 3:11 pm.

Ok...let me back this up a step. Homework and I started out on good terms (I make friends easily with my charm and good looks DUH!) but I botched the relationship pretty much from the get go. You see we first met at the beginning of my Kindergarten school year. We were assigned weekly homework packets and each week I eagerly cut, pasted, and traced gianormous letters with a trusty number 2. 

Nonetheless, I soon betrayed Homework's trust. I left my homework sitting on the desk in the play room....mistake numero uno! (In my defense I figured what the heck I need a snack...I was 5 so this was a major priority AND who in their right mind at 5 would be suspicious of leaving their homework on their own desk...not I!). However, when I returned I found my homework sitting on the desk in a dozen soggy shreds. 

EXACTLY like this EXCEPT smaller, indoors, and on a desk (...so not really like this at all)

I was mortified, all my hard work was gone and the packet was due very very soon (or in a week whichever came first). OBVIOUSLY I had to catch the drooly little bugger who did this to my beloved homework packet. In most cases the dog would be a natural suspect BUT we did not have a dog and it was highly unlikely that the temperamental cat had anything to do with it. Then my teething toddler of a little sister opened her mouth to reveal a wad of slobbery white paper.....YES FOLKS my sister ate my homework! I was furious, and I am fairly certain that this lead to the first of many sibling brawls between the little sis and I. Needless to say this was also quiet difficult to explain to my teacher who fought back laughter as I explained my predicament. She forgave me, but Homework and I were officially on shaky ground.

But it did not end there....

For the next decade and half I have fought the great fight with evil Mrs.Homework and somewhere in late 90's I really started showing her who was boss...until 7th grade that is.

Towards the end of my 7th grade school year Homework called in a major vendetta against me. You see my family was in the process of moving from beautiful southern CALI to balls hot Arizona. There was lots of packing and talking about packing and then more packing. 

Somewhere in this horrific process my final project for Language Arts disappeared (probably to the same place as the socks and your favorite pens). I searched high and low but it was gone GONE gone. I had been keeping meticulous journal entries for 73 years and the journals were like 173% of my final grade! Again, thanks to Homework I had to go in and explain to yet another teacher that I did not have the assignment completed. P.S. I am a nerdy control freak who never just ignores due dates I TURN EVERYTHING IN. ugh! However, without the "my sister ate my homework" excuse I was screwed and got my first and last D in a class EVER!....strike 2 with homework.

So as you can see Homework has been slowly and painfully trying to kill me for over a decade.(Boys and Girls the moral of this story is never trust Homework; you turn your back for a quick snack and the next thing you know she hates your guts and is trying to murder you in your sleep). Just sayin!

XOXO

Everything I Need To Know......

There is a saying floating around out there in the world somewhere that states that everything you need to know you learned in kindergarten. I would like to reformulate that statement....or shall I say correct this statement and make it into the following:

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM THE MOVIES

Now I know this probably seems like a rather odd statement coming from a teacher....the veritable soap box of educational propaganda that I am. However, there is a lot of truth to this statement because movies hit every subject matter, on every level, with every audience in mind (not all at once obviously.....although it would be the greatest, longest, and most spastastic movie ever if it did).

Nonetheless, you are still wondering how I came across this deep and meaningful insight into life, and I could, as usual, attribute it to my incredible genius and charming good looks...or I could explain the years of research that went into formulating such a magnanimous statement (I would like to add that magnanimous may or may not be the most fitting word for that sentence but I like the way it regally roles off the tongue so DEAL!)

Ok back to the research. Here are several examples of how I uncovered that everything you need to know you can learn from the movies.

HISTORY

(best subject ever so obviously we should start here)

A nearly complete, entirely redundant, and partially accurate timeline of world events can be strung together from start to finish if you watch enough movies in the right order.......for example:

Early America (check)

Civil War (check)

Early 20th Century Happenings (check)

Major War (check)

Political Controversies Of The Late 20th Century (check)

BAM! Nearly 200 years of history neatly summed up into 5 moderately historically accurate films. It takes nearly 9 months of a U.S. History course to fill a students brain with that kind of knowledge ...and at such an alarmingly high retention rate to boot! 

but oh my friends it does not stop with history.....

ENGLISH

(the next best subject there is)

English is at its essence the culmination of things that can be down with language....verbal, written, or read language. Thus, the end all be all for any good english lover is BOOKS BOOKS and more BOOKS....but this blog is about movies and as I said the movies can teach you everything you need to know! Books are no exception see.....

.....and the list goes on and on! I am quiet certain I could do this for every subject in the universe.....but I hate math and suck at science and I am sure you can see the infallible truth of my statement by this point so I rest my case. 

However, (I know I know there is always a however with me) I will still make my students do things the old fashioned way and they too can someday have the epiphany that EVERYTHING they ever learned is in a movie somewhere, and was portrayed on the silver screen with equal accuracy to what is floating around on the internet on that same topic. I am sure this realization will hit them like a ton of bricks, and when they pick themselves up off the floor they will probably blog to the universe about said epiphany and this whole thing will start all over again.

so like I said.....

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM THE MOVIES!

XOXO

  

Pasta Is The Greatest Invention Ever!

For anyone who knows me even vaguely it will come as no shock that I have an incredible and slightly ridiculous love for PASTA. While most people believe that a good spaghetti dinner is scrumptious and should be in somewhat regular rotation...I have taken to an entirely new level. This is not like saying I "liked" it on Facebook its more to the level where I could right a sonnet declaring my deep affection for past...or perhaps receive a restraining order from pasta notifying me that I have officially reached stalker status. Either way its safe to say I really really really like PASTA and here is why:

1. Pasta is a chameleon....seriously!

These noodles come in oodles of shapes,sizes and fun colors! YAY see...

2. Pasta sits at the popular table. 

Pasta has made friends with nearly every other delectable food and or sauce on the planet and they have collaborated to make sweet sweet melodies. NO food is more popular the pasta...this is the original mean girl.

3. Pasta is prepared for a long term commitment.

You see pasta is well aware that its delicious goodness may not be eaten in one sitting and that you might save a little for later. Pasta is ready for this type of 3 to 4 day commitment. Pasta will gladly make friends with your  fridge and wait patiently till you return for the reheat...no questions asked.

4.Pasta is tasty.

It really is as simple as that ... and if that last 77 pictures didn't make you hungry then you are from a strange planet and I want nothing to do with your evil pasta hating ways.

5. Pasta is a romantic.

Deep down inside pasta really just wants to bring romance to the world as demonstrated in this Disney classic...

6.Pasta encourages playing with your food.

Not only can you swirl and twirl your pasta but it never backs down from a good food fight...even if the participant is, shall we say, unwilling. It practically begs you to play with your food...despite what your mother told you.

7. Pasta is tasty

...did I already say this...well I mean it. PASTA is the greatest invention ever. I will gladly give up my ipod and TV for an endless supply of past. My laptop, however, is not on the bargaining table (...im gonna need it to stream TV and Music while I eat PASTA!!!)

XOXO