Things That Cause Me To Die A Slow Death

I can't even count the number of times I have been asked "would you rather live a long life and have no idea how it ends....OR....live a short life but know how it ends?" Well, this question is ridiculous! I don't want to know how I am going to die, and I certainly don't want to know at the expense of having it cut short. However, I am aware of all the little things that are going to slowly kill me. Chief among them is HOMEWORK! This evil lady has been slowly torturing me since approximately September 4th,1994 at 3:11 pm.

Ok...let me back this up a step. Homework and I started out on good terms (I make friends easily with my charm and good looks DUH!) but I botched the relationship pretty much from the get go. You see we first met at the beginning of my Kindergarten school year. We were assigned weekly homework packets and each week I eagerly cut, pasted, and traced gianormous letters with a trusty number 2. 

Nonetheless, I soon betrayed Homework's trust. I left my homework sitting on the desk in the play room....mistake numero uno! (In my defense I figured what the heck I need a snack...I was 5 so this was a major priority AND who in their right mind at 5 would be suspicious of leaving their homework on their own desk...not I!). However, when I returned I found my homework sitting on the desk in a dozen soggy shreds. 

EXACTLY like this EXCEPT smaller, indoors, and on a desk (...so not really like this at all)

I was mortified, all my hard work was gone and the packet was due very very soon (or in a week whichever came first). OBVIOUSLY I had to catch the drooly little bugger who did this to my beloved homework packet. In most cases the dog would be a natural suspect BUT we did not have a dog and it was highly unlikely that the temperamental cat had anything to do with it. Then my teething toddler of a little sister opened her mouth to reveal a wad of slobbery white paper.....YES FOLKS my sister ate my homework! I was furious, and I am fairly certain that this lead to the first of many sibling brawls between the little sis and I. Needless to say this was also quiet difficult to explain to my teacher who fought back laughter as I explained my predicament. She forgave me, but Homework and I were officially on shaky ground.

But it did not end there....

For the next decade and half I have fought the great fight with evil Mrs.Homework and somewhere in late 90's I really started showing her who was boss...until 7th grade that is.

Towards the end of my 7th grade school year Homework called in a major vendetta against me. You see my family was in the process of moving from beautiful southern CALI to balls hot Arizona. There was lots of packing and talking about packing and then more packing. 

Somewhere in this horrific process my final project for Language Arts disappeared (probably to the same place as the socks and your favorite pens). I searched high and low but it was gone GONE gone. I had been keeping meticulous journal entries for 73 years and the journals were like 173% of my final grade! Again, thanks to Homework I had to go in and explain to yet another teacher that I did not have the assignment completed. P.S. I am a nerdy control freak who never just ignores due dates I TURN EVERYTHING IN. ugh! However, without the "my sister ate my homework" excuse I was screwed and got my first and last D in a class EVER!....strike 2 with homework.

So as you can see Homework has been slowly and painfully trying to kill me for over a decade.(Boys and Girls the moral of this story is never trust Homework; you turn your back for a quick snack and the next thing you know she hates your guts and is trying to murder you in your sleep). Just sayin!

XOXO